Well...

Well, this blog once a day for a year isn't working out very well. It is really hard to catch up...Nicaragua got me a little off track, so I have revised my statement. I will blog at least 365 entries before this time next year. I forget the date that I started, but by that date. You know, it is really odd to be home after such a trip. Things in America are so very different than things in Nicaragua. It is more fast-paced and things are just "easier." By easier, I don't mean better.

I just mean more convenient. So, I wonder. Is convenience good or bad? Do I rely so much on things that are convenient that I don't know how to just roll with the punches (so to speak)? I get so inconvenienced by the smallest things. The Internet is slow, my cell phone doesn't call quick enough, the line is too long, etc.etc.etc. Sometimes I am really good about relaxing and taking things as they come, but more often than not, I get worked up over things that do not matter.

BB.

March 23--Day 6

This morning I woke up feeling better than yesterday morning--just more stuffy. I was sad to see that we had to have breakfast in the basement again, but it was tasty. Again, I was very thankful for Dr. Amy's Dayquil. When we got to school, some of the girls immediately started trimming the back of Building 3 and the sides of Buildings 1 and 2. These girls have really worked hard at painting, and I am really proud of them! Even though we probably weren't supposed to, we also began rolling the backside of Building 3. I helped Summer and Kim take some pictures for students for their sponsors. They were SO cute! Oh My! I SO want a Nicaraguan child--they are the most beautiful children I have ever seen. Summer and Kim are taking good pictures of the children because the usual sponsor photos look like mug shots. Recess today was super short--which made me really sad. Gilesa (the same little girl from last year who I held while she cried), ran to me at recess, and I held her for a minute or so, and then we played various games with the kids. It is always a blast! After recess, I really got to painting on the backside of Building 3--Feeling rather accomplished, I was very much looking forward to lunch. Well, that feeling of accomplishment didn't last long because we ran out of paint...completely out of paint! And, we still had one more building to go. We didn't think we did, but we did have one more. So, we took a break for lunch--PB&J! :) And, we decided to start with new paint and new rollers and brushes after lunch. After lunch, Simmer took some of us to the neighborhood right by the school. We walked around and gathered up the children of the neighborhood, and we went to the middle of the neighborhood. The boys all played soccer, and the girls drew and colored. I drew with Rosita for most of the time, and she told us all of the words and numbers she knows in English. She can count to 10, and she can repeat almost any word you tell her. She is very smart. The neighborhood...the kids of this neighborhood--one of the poorest in Leon--are some of the happiest and most content people I have ever met. It is not because they want for nothing; it is because God has blessed them with a spirit of contentedness. It was awesome being in the kids' neighborhood! After we left the neighborhood, we came back to finish painting We only got to go in the neighborhood because we were waiting on new supplies, and I am so glad we had to wait. So...once again, we painted and painted and painted and painted some more. And, we finally FINISHED! :) We didn't paint the red trim at the bottom or the silver bars, but we painted all the green! When we left the school, we were filthy! It was really nice to take a shower. I called mom and checked in, took a shower, and left for this Eskimo restaurant. It was in the middle of Leon--downtown. I was a little wary of it before we got there. When we did arrive, my skepticism was confirmed. The kids were approached by 2 different males from the community. The younger male had been sniffing glue, and he made all of the girls very uncomfortable, and the older man was wanting money or food. It made me really sad that this little boy was high. Yather said that it was a common habit of young kids on the streets--even as young as 7 years old. I think it is good for our kids to see things like that, just like it is good for them to see people living in ways that are different from their own, but it was an incredibly uncomfortable situation. After we ate our dinner, we got ice cream--I got coffee ice cream, and it was wonderful, but I have never been so happy to be back on the bus! I held Yather's little girl all the way back to the hotel, and we danced, and it made me miss Aidyn. I really wish I could communicate better with Yather's wife. She is so sweet. Before bed, we had a devo by the pool. The stars were so incredibly bright. They were so beautiful. I wish the stars could be seen like that in Jackson--in our backyard! Cynthia and Summer played Banagrams for a few minutes. Cynthia played English and Spanish words. After devo, we played some more Banagrams, and then we had to send James back to the house to get the air mattress pump. Summer spent the night with me!!! :)

BB.

March 22--Day 5

I woke up feeling awful today--absolutely terrible! My head hurts, and my throat hurts. I think my lymph nodes are going to explode out of my neck. We got to have breakfast at the hotel, but they stuck us in the basement instead of the hut outside--BOO! The good was still good, but I was so looking forward to eating outside. After breakfast, we came to the school. We got approved to paint a little while the kids are at school, so the girls got straight to work. Hannah is a trim champ! She trimmed the whole bottom part of the back of Building 2, and it was awesome!

I was really happy that Amy had some Dayquil; it helped soooo much, and I took it approximately every 4 hours! Recess was wonderful. I just sat and held a little girl named Lesley almost the entire time. She just hugged on me, and I held her and loved her. It was a wonderful and magnificent feeling. I would like to take her home with me!! :) Maybe I could put her in my suitcase... :) After recess, we just painted some more trim and then started getting ready for lunch. Lunch was hotdogs and PB&J. After lunch, we got to painting some more. We got SO much more done that yesterday. We almost finished the first 2 buildings. Carly and I finished painting the end of Building 2--It was in the sun, and the neon green paint did not help the vision problem--every time I looked up to paint, I was blinded. Tyler lent me me his sunglasses--which helped A LOT, and Chris showed up just when I didn't think I could paint anymore, and he finished the wall for us. And, he game me the last 1/2 of his Fresca. :) :) I tried really hard today to have a better attitude and be more adult-like, and I think I did a better job. After we left the school, we went back to the hotel to shower and get ready for dinner. Emily came to me and told me that my mom wanted me to call her. I thought it was weird, but I went and called her anyway. Turns out, it was bad news, but I would rather leave this out of my blog. After we got cleaned up. we went to the Bracken's house for supper. They made us taco salad, and I have to say that I was not looking forward to taco salad. It is just so hot that I wanted something light, but the taco salad was muy bueno! After we ate, we had devo outside. We brought chairs out, and we circled up, and we turned off the lights. We just sang and talked. I really liked that our bus driver--Carlos--had dinner with us and sat with us during devo. We all did the best we could to communicate with him, but it was very difficult for me. We sang one of the Spanish songs we sort of know during the devo, but as soon as we started singing it, his phone rang, and he got up to get it, so...we sang it again when he got back. :)

I talked to mom when I got back to the hotel, and I tried to call Brittany 3 times. I just ended up leaving her a voicemail. But, I did get to talk to Elizabeth--which made me feel better about being away. I played some Banagrams, and then I went to sleep. The Benadryl helped.

BB.

March 21--Day 4

So...today was a pretty eventful day. First off, we had to get up super early because our bus was going to be here at 6:45 to take us to school. The Monday morning ceremony starts at 7:10, so we wanted to definitely make sure and be there for that. Well, we all got up and were ready at 6:45...no bus. So, me, Amy, and Steve had out coffee in the little cage room and thought that surely the bus would be here soon. 7:00...7:05...7:10--still no bus. So, finally Kennedi looks out the front window of the hotel and says, "I think this is our bus." Well, she was right. Our bus had been sitting (parked) on the street behind the bushes. We don't really know how long the bus had been here, but we were extremely late for school. When we finally arrived at school, we were very pleased to find out hat they had not done their Monday morning ceremony yet! YAY!! So, we did get to see it. The boys almost immediately began working with the concrete, and the girls did various things. We found out when we got to school that Xiomara didn't want us painting the building while the kids are in school...which is understandable, but it also makes it difficult to get anything done. So, a few girls helped me sort the stuff we brought, and then I helped Summer hand it out later. It was so nice to get to see their Monday morning ceremony. I love to watch them and hear them speak in unison. Today, they all sang the National Anthem as well. I found Jorshua (Eddie's Jorshua). He has really grown since last year, and he talked/played with me more this year. I got to help him with his classwork--drawing diagonal lines, and he let me help him. He even played with me at recess. Also, at recess, I brought back the uno, dos, tres game. :) Once again, it was well-received. Recess is always really fun. The kids have so much energy, and it is so much fun to play with them. They are so fun and loving--they want us. and it makes me happy. I like to be wanted. After recess, the kids went back to class, and some of us tried the leftover food the kids had for lunch. It was cheesy noodles and rice--it was muy bueno! :) When the kids left, we all went to the Bracken's for lunch. Amy and I fixed PB&J or ham/turkey and cheese sandwiches. We hung out for a little while, and then we headed back down to school. The girls started getting all set up to paint. And, the boys went back to working with the concrete. We had (were told) to mix like 1/2 a gallon of paint thinner per 1 gallon of paint--that, my friend, was disastrous! Not only did it not make the paint go any further than normal, but it also made the paint so thin and runny that it dripped EVERYWHERE!! We had so may girls painting that we were all over each other and in each other's way. We were dripping paint on each other, and we soon realized that the paint doesn't budge until you put paint thinner on it...which really burns unless you put it on carefully with a rag. Amy opened the bigger bucket of paint, and it was not mixed AT ALL. She had to stir it by hand for a very long time. It was just a disaster. Finally, we made an executive decision to not mix the paint with the thinner anymore, and that made things a little easier! It was pretty relieving when the bus arrived and our day came to a close. :) We all washed off with paint thinner, and we headed back to the hotel for showers. After showers, we loaded the bus and went to eat at...HOLLYWOOD PIZZA!!! :) YAY! We, Chris and I, sat with Summer and Cynthia. It was a lot of fun--except the TV in the pizza place kept playing inappropriate music videos. The pizza and the company were wonderful! I did hit my leg on the table when I got up to get another piece of pizza, and it left a surprising mark. After we ate, we stopped at On the Run and got some ice cream, went back to the hotel, and had devo around the pool. I don't think I have mentioned it yet, but I keep getting sicker every day. What started out as a scratchy throat has now turned into a full blown sinus/cold ridiculousness! My head feels like it is going to explode off of my body, and I might feel better if it did.

BB.

March 20--Day 3

This morning, James and Kim made us pancakes, and they had some of that AHH-MAZZZIIING pineapple! :) Also, I was super blessed to have a cup of coffee. I stood on the porch for a little bit and drank my coffee. I just looked out over the school grounds, and I prayed that God would make me feel something. I feel like I have been super self-absorbed for the first part of the tip, and I know that it is the devil. I have been looking forward to this trip for a while..well, since we left last year. I know that the devil is trying to use this to make me stumble. I have felt so whiney--I'm hot; I'm hungry; I'm tired...see the trend? I'll give you a guess; it all contains the word "I." So, I just prayed this morning that God would overcome that and touch me--touch my heart.

So, right now I am sitting at church. Of course, I can't understand a word this wonderful, Christian man is saying. I am sure he worked really hard on his lesson, and I am sure it is excellent; I just wish I could understand him.

We ended up leaving church after class and communion. And, we went to eat at Charley's. Just like last year, I had chicken with BBQ sauce, rice, beans, potato salad, tomato and cucumber and lettuce and break. And, just like last year, I took a picture of my plate. :) When we left Charleys, we went back to the Bracken's house to pack up our stuff and head to the hotel. After all the kids called their parents to let them know we were safe, we left for...THE BEACH! I was a little apprehensive about going back to the beach this year. I mean, last year's trip to the beach was almost a complete disaster. But, James and Kim talked us into it, so we gave in and decided to give it one more try. The funny thing is that our bus pulled up right where we had last year--right where I said, "NO WAY--we are NOT getting out here." The exact same place! Can you believe that? But, there were no dirty dancers and no drunk people with naked babies. I guess that they only do those awesome things on holidays like Easter. Because Easter is the perfect holiday to celebrate all things pagan and worldly. Despite a few scantly clad women in partial bathing suits and a man in a speedo--an older man-- the beach was nothing like last year. Atlantic, Pacific--doesn't matter--the ocean is always beautiful. Chris and I climbed the rocks (in flipflops) to the top where a cross was. It was so incredibly beautiful up there. The wind was blowing, and every once and a while, the waves sprayed us. Ahhh...it was breathtaking. After we climbed down and then back up, James did a devo for us on top of the rock. Then, we sang. At first we were a little timid--there were several Nicaraguans up there with us--most of them half-naked. As we sang, there were more people who came up to watch the sunset. After we sang a few songs, we circled up and sang some more. It was absolutely wonderful! We stood on top of that huge rock, the ocean spraying and wind blowing, sunsetting--and we sang praises to God. I haven't praised like that in a long while. After the sunset, we went to a restaurant at a hotel on the beach. We ate and looked at the ocean. Chris bought me some really pretty seashell necklaces. I ate fried shrimp, and it was really good!

BB.

March 19--Day 2

As I write, we are on our way up the Cerra Negro volcano. We keep getting stuck in the sand. The driver and the worker with him first try to shovel, but twice the boys have had to get off the bus to push. As of right now, we are going on pretty well, so maybe we will make it all the way up this time.

I am now siting 1/2 way up a volcano--Cerro negro. Me and some of the kids decided to stop and turn around. It is unique and really beautiful.

So...our bus in air-conditioned. Can you believe that? I mean, that is awesome because it is so hot, but it seems like something we really don't need. I like that while we are here, we are not so privileged. I really wanted our kids to rough it more than having an air-conditioned bus. You would think that I would really be excited about the air-conditioning, and it does really make things more pleasant. I just don't want to feel spoiled at all while I am here.

We just came back down the mountain, and we are waiting on the bus. The kids are playing mafia, and I desperately with I knew enough Spanish to talk to our bus driver. He seems like a really nice guy.

After we left the volcano, we headed back to the Bracken's house. We hung out and ate lunch. I ate leftover veggie pizza from the night before. We came to the school after that and saw some of the little kids who had just finished watching Veggie Tales...in Spanish. Our kids played with the little kids who were still there. I didn't stay very long. I was really hot and tired from climbing 1/2 a mountain. :) I hung out for a little while at the house--put on some more sunscreen. I am bound and determined to not have hives this year. The other kids came about 3:00 to watch Veggie Tales. They were all so sweet. It's not that I forgot how sweet they are, but it is so amazing how beautiful these children are. After the show, we all played with the kids outside.

I found out today that all the neighborhoods surrounding Nicaragua Christian School are named after Nicaraguan poets. I like that. Do you think that it is ironic/weird that some of the poorest people in Leon live in neighborhoods named after poets?

We played the Wii before bed. I wasn't going to play, but it just looked so fun that I decided to anyway. They were playing Just Dance. After I played 2 or 3 times, Chris and I challenged Steve and Amy to a couple's dance off. They won the first one--it was some mashed potato song. We won the 2nd one--"Cotton-Eyed Joe." Somehow :) they won the 3rd one--"U Can't Touch This." It was hilarious and so much fun! I was completely pooped when we were through. I was very happy I finally beat Matthew--he's really good. We played a game of Banagrams in our room and turned out the lights to sleep. More photos to come...
BB.

March 18--Day 1

We traveled today. We had to leave school at 2:30 am. Katie, Kennedi, Meghan, and Hannah spend the night with us Thursday night because they live so far away. All I have to say about that is that they giggled all night. We had to go to bed around 10:30 or so, but all in all, I think Chris and I got about 45 minutes or so of sleep. Travel went smoothly. Chris has to go through one of those X ray machine things at the Memphis airport...so they all got to see him naked. :) I tried to get some sleep on the plane, and I did somewhat, but it isn't quite the same as in a bed. When we arrived in Managua, Kim and James, Kora and jaden, and Summer were there to meet us. 3 of Summer's family members who were visiting were there too. When they picked us up, we went to eat. Yather took us to eat at Pollo Nancy's. It was really good chicken. Very juicy, and the rice was great! Day one of chicken had begun...

We went to a new market in Masaya. I really liked this market--maybe even better than the one in Managua. It was really beautiful out front. Stone entrance. We had about 45 minutes there. I bought a head band and a new wooden ring to wear as my wedding band. I really like it because it is Nicaraguan, and it will always remind me of here. You know, I was wearing the rainbow plastic one, but this one is so much better and sentimental. After we left the market, we went to the Masaya Volcano. We rode up the mountain our bus, and we got out at the top to look around. Just 3 days ago, they were worried that the volcano was about to erupt, but it didn't, and we got to visit it. :) It was a really beautifully tragic view. We also go to walk up some stairs to get a better view. I'm really glad I had my camera because it was breathtaking and unique. When we were finished and we had walked down the stairs, I HAD to go to the bathroom--SSOOO badly! Yather showed me where the bathroom was, and I proceeded to go there. They say a picture is worth a thousand words--so...see picture.
After the volcano, we rode back to Managua to drop off Summer's family and then headed back to Leon--well not back because we hadn't been there yet, but you know what I mean.

We all stayed at the Bracken's and Summer's house. Katie and I shared Kora's bed, and Amy and Carly slept on air mattresses in the floor. Steve and I blew up all the air mattresses. The ones we bought from Amazon had "built-in" pumps...yea, that was a bunch of bull. You had to step on it and pump it with your foot....but it was extremely ineffective. We had Hollywood pizza for dinner and PB&J. I can't remember when I have been so tired. Oh yea--shower. I have never been in a shower with such low water pressure. I don't even know if you could call it water pressure. I don't know. If you stood in one specific area of the shower, you could get wetter. So, I tried to keep my body contorted into that one area. I had to just stop worrying about getting the water in my mouth. I just wanted to be clean. Bed. Glorious day. More pictures to come...better than toilet pictures.

BB.

In addition.

First off...HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my wonderful husband. Also, I want to give a birthday shout out to my Uncle Eddie and my brother-in-law, Wade!!

In addition to my post from this morning, I would like to share some of my feelings about our upcoming trip. We leave in approximately 8 hours. I feel pretty ready, pretty at peace with the trip. I just ask for prayers from everyone. I will keep a journal while I am gone, and I will type it as soon as I rest from the trip. I can't wait to relay all the exciting things God has in store for us. I hope that you all have a wonderful and restful Spring Break. If you are not getting a Spring Break, I am very sorry for your loss. See you in a week. Much Love!

BB.

Oops...

Well, I forgot to blog last night. I just got so distracted with finishing up some things before tomorrow that I completely forgot to blog. I broke my vow, but I will not let it get me down. :) ha. I am at school a little early today, and I have already gotten everything ready for the day, so I thought I would take just a few minutes to write some thoughts down.
We leave for Nicaragua in the morning at 2:30. It just really hasn't sunk in yet that it is time to go again. I have such a peace about the trip this year. Last year, I didn't even want to go on the trip, and I am so blessed that God opened my eyes to his work there in Nicaragua. Will write more tonight...
BB.

Nothing to write.

I'm not really sure what day this is of my year long blogging experience, but I have to say that sometimes it is really hard to think of something to write. I don't readily have impressive and insightful thoughts to share with the world. I like having a blog because I like being able to write (or type) the things that do pop into my head, but tonight, I am bloglessly thoughtless. Nonetheless, I must write.

I am leaving for Nicaragua in 2 days. I have to admit that is really all that is on my mind right now. I need to clean, pack, clean, clean...you get the point. I don't understand how I can clean my house and it still look messy. It doesn't really make much sense to me. I don't want to leave my house in a mess. Well, I don't really care to leave it in a mess, but I do care to come home to a mess. It all pays off in the end...it just takes a lot to get there. I would show you a picture, but it was just be too much. You might judge me. And by the way...we still don't know what we are going to do with Lewis while we are gone. Have I mentioned we leave in 2 days?

BB.

Testimony

We had our last meeting tonight to finish planning and wrap up all of our Nicaragua details. For our meeting, we had asked all the kids to bring their testimony written out--or a statement of "why I believe what I believe." The kids shared amazing beliefs and really inspired all of us. I can't wait to see them in action on our trip, and I know that God is going to use them to touch so many lives while we are gone...and when we return. So, tonight I am sharing my testimony with you--or why I believe what I believe.

Why do I believe what I believe? Why do I believe in God? Well, God has always forgiven me, and He has always allowed me to forgive myself. No matter what I have done, God has always pulled me through and shown me the "why." He has allowed me to stumble so that I could relate with other strugglers. He continually opens my eyes and humbles me. My dark days are far from over, but He consistently reminds me that He's the light. I am important to God, and He always wants me--no matter my dirtiness. He never grows tired of seeing me at His feet needing to be washed clean yet again. I believe in God because He made me, and He believes in me. He fights for me.

BB.

Reflection.

I like to shop. I am not a shop-a-holic or anything, but every once and a while, I like to buy myself something pretty. Used to, when I was single and had my own money, I shopped a lot. I hardly ever had a balance over $50.00 in my checking account. Now that I am married and have other responsibilities--bills, groceries, gas, etc.--I do not shop as often, and I cringe at the thought of spending money. But, that doesn't mean that sometimes I don't get the urge to go on a little spending spree...and when I say spending spree, I mean like maybe $100.00. So, yesterday I treated myself to some new belongings at Old Navy. I like Old Navy because it is reasonable. As a wise person once told me, "There is not one thing in Old Navy that I can't buy." And, I agree. If I wanted to purchase one item in Old Navy, one item that I thought I just couldn't live without wearing, I could. Nothing in the store is too expensive. The better thing about ON though is that I don't have to purchase one thing. I can purchase MANY things without breaking my bank. And, if there is anything that I desperately want, it will be on sale in about a month. So, I bought some items. Some for me, some for others, but mostly for me. Which brings me to the reason I am telling you all of this. In case I haven't mentioned this already, I am going to Nicaragua on Friday. I want to share something I wrote last year while I was in Nicaragua:

..."we all boarded the bus to go to the mud pits. Now, the mud pits are not really what you would think. When I think mud pit, I think mud in hole--possibly from rain. No. This is not correct in the least. The mud pits are places in the earth where the earth water (?) is hot enough to boil the mud. It bubbles bubbles, and there must be sulfur in it because it smells just awful! When we arrived, we were greeted by small children. They were all trying to give us each these little clay pits. These small, young children were our guides around these hot and bubbly mud pits. At the end, they all lined up to get any money we would give them...After leaving the mud pits and driving back toward Leon, I began to think about my life. How remarkably blessed I am. How wasteful I am of money, food, belongings, etc. As we passed house of poor cinderblock and cows, horses, chickens, dogs (all skin and bone), I looked at the wash hanging out to dry in the dust. I thought about our wedding for some reason. When planning out wedding, we (well, I) were so proud to be having a "budget" wedding. The more I pondered this thought, the more disgusted I became with myself. We spent in excess of $10,000 on our wedding. One day. ONE DAY!! These people have close to nothing, and I thought I was doing well to spend less on my wedding than I saw on TV. How misinformed. How selfish..."

Now, this excerpt just makes me remember how blessed and how selfish I am. I justify everything. I feel like I can spend $100.00 on some new things for me when there are people starving and working day in and day out just to survive. I tell you all of this to challenge you. Next time you want to "splurge" and spend what you think is a "reasonable" amount on things you don't need, think about places like Nicaragua. Think about how rich we are and how frivolous. I am going to try to do things better. I am not going to say that I will never shop again because chances are I would break that promise, but I am going to try and keep things in perspective. And, I hope that one day, I can cut out all of my unneeded and unnecessary spending. There are better things I could do with the money I have been blessed with.

BB.

Just some Random Things.

So...two weeks ago, we cancelled our cable. I think it was definitely a good decision, but I do have to admit that I have missed mindlessly sitting in front of the TV at the end of the day--whether that is good or bad, I refuse to admit. So, last night, Chris and I bought a Blu-ray player...with built-in Netflix! I have to say, we are really excited!

On another note, we leave for Nicaragua in 5(ish) days! I am thrilled. I have been trying to get everything in one place and making sure that I have everything I need. I am notorious for getting to my destination and remembering something I forgot. In Nicaragua, it isn't that easy to procure things forgotten in the U.S. So, I am taking a new route and making a list and packing early. One thing that we haven't figured out yet is WHO IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF LEWIS! Ugh. I looked in to boarding him, but it is going to be like $215.00, and that is on the lower end of what it could cost at this place. We have no idea what to do...and THAT is kind of a big deal. So, other than finding someone to care for the pooch, here is my To-Do list before we leave:

• Finish laundry AND put it away
• Clean house--really well!
• Pack (of course)
• Make sure all papers are graded and recorded
• Finish Message in a Bottle by Nicholas Sparks
• Find a new book to take with me--Any ideas?
• Sleep!! :)

Not a terribly long list. I think I will be ok. :) Have I mentioned that I can't wait to get to Nicaragua?

BB.

Thoughts.

My husband can do anything. I am not just saying that to be nice; he can literally do just about anything. For instance, he remodeled our whole house. I mean, it isn't finished yet, but he has done all the work himself--with a little help on the heavy-lifting. He has decided recently to teach himself how to write "code" to make his own website. I don't even know what that means, but he has already (within one week) built the beginnings of an entire website. If you want a new bathroom, call Chris. If you want a new sink, call Chris. If you want your computer fixed, call Chris. If you want anything updated, calculated, built, wired...etc.etc.etc. Call Chris. You see what I live with? Mr. Handyman Extraordinaire. I, on the other hand, can edit your paper for you, write you a poem, or suggest a good book...these things aren't exactly bringing in the dough---oh yea, and I can sew you one mean pillow...jealous? So, at times I feel like I am not an equal contributor to our marriage. I mean, I go to work, but what else do I do? With all these odd jobs and fulfilling activities Chris is involved in, I feel like I need to find my niche, and I don't want my niche to be keeping the house clean...know what I mean?

I feel like I have been slipping at school. But, I also see that we are accomplishing exactly what we are supposed to accomplish. I dread the day these Juniors leave me, and maybe I am subconsciously trying to enjoy every minute I have left with them. But, I can't help but feel like I am losing their respect...losing their attention for Literature...losing my ability to keep them engaged. Maybe it is my feelings about this that adds to the feelings I have that Chris is more talented than me. And, really, I don't know if it is that he is more talented or that his talents are more dominant than mine are. Whatever the case, I have got to find some outlet before I explode.

If I am on top of things at school, my house is a mess. If my house is clean, I am behind at school. I have no idea how to find balance, and I have no idea how to fit into that, already cramped, schedule something that is just for me--just something for me to enjoy doing. What am I good at? I mean, am I even a good writer? Am I even a good teacher? Is there something that I am really good at that I have never even thought of? Have I been pursuing this "writing/teaching/literary" lifestyle because I am that way or because it is what I want myself to be, what I have seen in movies and books that makes me jealous? I want to be doing what I am supposed to do--what God wants me to do. And, for some reason, I get the idea that I might be on the wrong path, that God might be urging me to try something new...

I feel like I am standing at a fork in the road. Frost would tell me to choose the path "less traveled," but is Frost who I should be following? Maybe there is a path that many have traveled before me that I am destined to take. Maybe there is a path that has been cleared just for me by people I never knew. As I am standing here, I wonder how much time I have before they both grow up, and I am forced to turn around and head back. The scary thing is that I don't even know where the paths lead...either of them, but I have to take one. I can't just stand here and hope that someone will come along to push me one way or the other. I must decide. Don't get me wrong, I know the Lord is always guiding me, but I also know he gave me free will. He isn't ever going to force me into anything, and I think that he gave me choice because I need it. I need to choose this path...I just need to first decide which one.

Run.

This is one of my favorite dances from So You Think You Can Dance. The dance represents the journey the 2 girls went through to get to the final show. I love how they shed their layers as the dance, just how they throw off the things that entangle them...reminds me of a scripture. I love how I can relate this to my Christian walk. Things get so hard, and everything entangles me. I will struggle, and I will fall, but I will shed those things that weigh me down, and I will succeed. No matter how many times I fall back, I will carry on.

Enjoy. Hebrews 12:1.

BB.

I wonder....

Theses are some things that I just don't understand...

• When you order water with lemon, why can't they bring you lemon when they bring you a refill? I mean, if I have clearly squeezed my lemon into my water, don't you think I might want more? Maybe it has something to do with water being free...
• Why are there so many check-out lines at Walmart when only like 3 are open at the same time? I have only seen all the check-outs open once--the day after Thanksgiving.
• Why do public speakers insist on misusing "I"? I mean, I know it may seem like it makes you sound smarter if you use "you and I" instead of "you and me," but if it is used wrong, it only sounds stupid.
• Here's another grammar question Why do advertisers insist on using apostrophes in the wrong places? We sell Tv's. You sell the Tv's what? Apostrophes don't make things plural; they make things possessive. Why don't advertisers and businesses check their grammar before the plaster their ads all over billboards and vehicles?
• If you are driving on a one way street, why can't you turn left on red onto another one way street? Or can you?
• Where do my socks go? How is it that I always end up losing one sock in the wash?
• Why is Latin considered a dead language? I mean, we still study it, don't we? If it is studied, it is spoken; therefore, it is not dead...just a little sick maybe.
• With exception to taking the Lord's name in vain, who decided which words were curse words? If I decided that the word "foot" was a curse word, would it be one? If I don't see a curse word as a curse word, is it still cursing if I say it?
• Have older people always talked about the "kids," saying things like, "Kids these days..." and "When I was younger, we didn't act this way"? I think they probably have.
• And, finally...Why is gas so stinkin' expensive?

Just a few things to ponder. Add some if you'd like.

BB.

Prayerful

We leave for Nicaragua in 10 days! I am thrilled, excited, blessed, and a little nervous. Last year's trip went so well, and I just know this year will go just as splendidly. I have been really praying about the trip, and I have also been praying about another trip. My home congregation is taking a trip to Guyana, South America, this summer, and my dad is going with them. This past weekend, it became available for me to go as well. I just can't decide if this is what I should do. I can't lie; I think this trip would be a growing experience for me, but I am apprehensive about leaving the country without Chris. In fact, I have never left the country without him. Well, one time I went to Canada with my friend Erin, but I don't really think that counts.

I can't wait to see what God is going to tell me to do. Go or not go...it doesn't matter. God will provide. So, tonight I am prayerful. I am praying for our Nicaragua trip and for my maybe trip to Guyana.

Pray for me!

BB.

Do I want more?

As I was sitting here this afternoon watching some episodes of Ugly Betty, I was thinking of my career. I am an English teacher at a private school. I love my job. I love teaching Literature because I feel like it teaches life lessons that no other subject could possibly teach. No matter what the story in our book, there is always some way to tie it into life right now.

I will be 25 in May...25. That is 5 years away from 30. Now, I am aware that 30 isn't as old as I feel it is right now, but I can't help but think about all the things I used to say I wanted to accomplish before I was 30. 30 seemed so far away that I could do anything I wanted before then. Now that it is a mere 5 years away, I feel like I am off track...like I am behind. Some of the things I wanted to accomplish can't be done in the next 5 years. For instance, I once dreamed of going to Law School. Whereas I know I could get it done before 30, I also want to have family. I can't do both within the next 5 years--I think I would die in the process. I want to get my masters in Literature. If I want to do that, I need to start it...yesterday. I feel like time is ticking, and I am just sitting and watching it tick away.

I don't feel like I have been wasting time. I feel like I have accomplished a lot in my job. I am really comfortable teaching American Literature, and I love the stories, poems, and books we read. But, I just can't seem to feel accomplished enough. Maybe it is just something I have concocted in my head, but I feel like I need to be doing something more. I don't want to stop teaching because I do so love my job, but I feel like I should be doing something along with it--something for me. Take a writing class, a painting class, or a sewing class. I want to study and learn something for me. Something I don't have to turn around and teach to someone else. I want to better myself...educate myself.

Hmm...

BB.

Take 2

About a year ago, we decided to try and leave Lewis out of his crate during the day. It went well for about a week and a half until we came home one day, and...well, you can see what we found. I am guessing he got bored. (The bar stools were placed on the couch by us...to keep Lewis on one place--He did not pull those up there.)

Tomorrow, we are going

to try again. We went to Marshalls tonight and bought some new toys and such, so we will see what happens tomorrow. He seems pretty enthralled with the cow right now; maybe that is a good sign. We'll see...Wish us luck.

BB.

The Afters - Light Up The Sky - Official Video

Here is just one of my favorite videos. I love this song because it reminds me that I am never alone...never. God will not only comfort me in whatever I am going through, but He will also provide other people as a support system. There are always other people going through hard times, and I am never alone...physically ot spiritaully. Hope this touches your heart. Enjoy.

BB.

Nice...

I am not usually a fan of dealing with Customer Service. Whether it is cell phone, computer, cable, credit card, etc., Customer Service Representatives are usually really nice until you tell them you need their help. Then, it becomes an entirely different story. For instance, today we sat down to watch TV, and over 1/2 of our channels didn't work. So, thinking it was a mistake, we dialed the number on the screen. Well, it wasn't a mistake. As of March 1, our cable company evidently changed all their packaging and just turned off our channels. No warning, no mention of it on our bill. The man on the phone had an incredible attitude, and he was of no help. The supervisor did not care to keep or not keep us, so we just cancelled our entire subscription. Needless to say, he didn't care. I feel like this exact issue is what is wrong with America and its businesses. Everybody thinks they are the most important and that no one is as important as them. They only care about one thing....money (you probably guessed that before I even typed it). If they have money coming in, the don't care who you are or what you have to say. They treat you like a number, an account, and they give you nothing. I would like to think that if I ran a business, I would care about the people who PAID me to do a good job. I wish all Customer Service interactions could be like one I had 2 weeks ago.

2 weeks ago, I received a call from my credit card company. Evidently, some jerk had swiped my credit card number somewhere or somehow and had spent $1600 on the Internet. My credit card company had frozen my account and contacted me to make sure I was the one who had spent the money. I was not. I told them I was not, and they cancelled my old card and sent me a new one...just like that. I didn't have to fight with them or try and prove my innocence, they just trusted me and helped me. I am proud to own a Discover Card, and I am proud to say that the Customer Service at Discover is excellent and....nice. Nice seems to be a lost art most of the time.

BB.

To Kindle or Not to Kindle...

So, I have been contemplating wanting a Kindle. I love to read, and I also love books.I love the feel of a book, the smell of a book, and the way I can count how many pages a chapter has before I read it. So, I think I want a Kindle...think being the key word. Sometimes I want one, and then sometimes I feel like I would be cheating literature by purchasing one. In case you don't know yet, I teach American Literature to 11 graders. I have them read all the time, and it would be nice to have all those books in one place for me to look at...to pull up quickly. But, can I highlight and underline on a Kindle? And, if I can, is it as easy as just opening a pen or highlighter? Is giving in to new technology bad? Should I stand my ground as an English major and keep it to the real books? If I purchase a Kindle, does that mean I can never buy another real book? I like to place my books on my shelf when I finish reading them...it is like I have conquered them. :) Decisions...Decisions...Hmm...

Commitment

I have made a decision. I will blog something everyday for an entire year. If I am not near a computer, I will write down what I want to say, and I will type it here when a computer is available. For instance, on March 18, I amheaded to Leon, Nicaragua, until March 25. I will not have much internet access (if any) while I am there, so I will journal and enter when I get back.

I do not have many expectations for this year-long blog. I don't really expect to garner hundreds of followers or even tens. I would say that I want to double my following, but I don't really know how to double zero... :)

I have no idea what I will write about. I struggle to think of things right now, but I think that this project will help me grow as a person

and as a writer. Who knows where my wanderings will take me. So...here's to the next 365 days. May the be real, honest writing. May I laugh, cry, discover, and become over this next year.

BB.

Invisible

How can someone feel invisible in the midst of many, many people? Well, it is really much simpler than one might initially think. At some point, everyone has felt alone; everyone has felt invisible. It is a miserable feeling. To think that in the midst of so many people, there isn't one person who wants to say anything. As many times as I may have felt this way, it makes me wonder how many times I have made someone else feel that way. It is odd to me that, even though we don't like to feel invisible, we somehow find some kind of pleasure or get some kind of pride out of making someone else feel that way.....even though we know, and remember well, how incredibly awful it makes us feel.

Why?

BB.